Do not go gentle into that good night

I’m constantly thinking about death. It’s not because of everything that’s happening now. It’s just something I always think about because of my situation. I’m not scared of dying. I’ve never been afraid.

I just worry about everyone whom I’ll leave behind. I always pray they won’t take it badly. I live my life striving to always show them that I’m content and fulfilled so that they never feel that I missed out. If everyday I could live just to keep them happy- if that was my sole purpose in this world- it would be the best life I could ever wish for.

I don’t want people to shed tears for me. Or regret anything. I want them to smile at my memory and remember that I regretted nothing.

It’s been on my mind more than usual recently. Maybe this time it is because of everything that’s happening. It has really made me rethink my priorities.

I always said that if I was dying, I wouldn’t tell anyone. Because I wouldn’t want to be treated differently. Or with pity. Or constantly have everyone be on his or her best behaviour or on eggshells around me. I would live my life to the absolute norm up until my dying breath. Because I want to experience everything just the way it was supposed to happen. No censorship:) Besides, why put that weight on their shoulders?

But sitting here at work. I realise how this doesn’t matter. I would rather be spending time with people that I love. Laughing. Making memories with them. Praying. Making sure everyone will be okay when I’m gone.

I want to make a difference in as many people’s lives as humanly possible. And I want everyone to learn the lesson that I learned through all my difficulty: the world is only a better place with love. Love yourself and love others. Be accepting and forgiving and never hold onto anything negative. Smile and the world will smile with you.

That’s how everyone should spend everyday of their lives. All this time you spend away from your loved ones in your work- all this money- none of it matters. All they’ll be left with are your words and how you made them feel. So make sure everyone always gets the best of it. And if you fight, laugh it out and if you have problems, figure them out.

When someone dies, people always regret the things they didn’t say or didn’t do with that person. I don’t want any of that. I have big dreams but the small things make me happy. I live life honestly and simply and I want everyone to continue the same way.