india jane PART II

i've almost fully recovered now (i got sick about 11 days ago). right now i'm waiting for the electricity to come back so i can dry my hair.power cuts happen all too often here altho never for this long. all the houses here are atleast 3stories high and built wall to wall next to each other.they're old and wooden. my family are sorta like the mayors of the village so one of the houses we hv is this huge house separate from all the other houses.its like somethin out of a fairytale. its made of marble and is very indian and exotic. i'm off now. dnt worry all who wr concerned i'll come back unengaged, unmarried and happily single.

india jane

yoh! who could've prepared me for this! life here is not exactly a holiday but isn't a nightmare either. bombay was the pits.chirping birds,cool breezes and fresh air wr replaced with car horns,exhaust fumes and smoke and foul odours.it didn't surprise me that i got sick in less than a week.but once u learn to walk fast and simultaneously avoid the spittle on the pavements u wil def enjoy the bargain shopping.life in the village is way better than in bombay.the air is cleaner and wild parrots sit at ur window whistling.the closest description i can give u of the village is that its jus like montes. with the clothes hanging mid air and high buildings and cobble pathways and everything.and they burn wood to get hot water.and hv all different animals running around.the ppl here all over india are friendly and all look out for each other.and thats y even tho the traffic congestion is enuf2make one puke there's never any accidents and u can cross the road without lookin left or right cuz no1wil eva bump u.

recollections of my schooling days.....

i used this story for my speech in english class.

There was once a stonecutter, who was dissatisfied with himself and with his position in life. One day, he passed a wealthy merchant's house, and through the open gateway, saw many fine possessions and important visitors.

"How powerful that merchant must be!" thought the stonecutter.

He became very envious, and wished that he could be like the merchant. Then he would no longer have to live the life of a mere stonecutter.

To his great surprise, he suddenly became the merchant, enjoying more luxuries and power than he had ever dreamed of, envied and detested by those less wealthy than himself. But soon a high official passed by, carried in a sedan chair, accompanied by attendants, and escorted by soldiers beating gongs. Everyone, no matter how wealthy, had to bow low before the procession.

"How powerful that official is!" he thought. "I wish that I could be a high official!"

Then he became the high official, carried everywhere in his embroidered sedan chair, feared and hated by the people all around, who had to bow down before him as he passed. It was a hot summer day, and the official felt very uncomfortable in the sticky sedan chair. He looked up at the sun. It shone proudly in the sky, unaffected by his presence. "How powerful the sun is!" he thought. "I wish that I could be the sun!"

Then he became the sun, shining fiercely down on everyone, scorching the fields, cursed by the farmers and laborers. But a huge black cloud moved between him and the earth, so that his light could no longer shine on everything below.

"How powerful that storm cloud is!" he thought. "I wish that I could be a cloud!"

Then he became the cloud, flooding the fields and villages, shouted at by everyone. But soon he found that he was being pushed away by some great force, and realized that it was the wind.

"How powerful it is!" he thought. "I wish that I could be the wind!"

Then he became the wind, blowing tiles off the roofs of houses, uprooting trees, hated and feared by all below him. But after a while, he ran up against something that would not move, no matter how forcefully he blew against it - a huge, towering stone.

"How powerful that stone is!" he thought. "I wish that I could be a stone!" he thought. "I wish that I could be a stone!"

Then he became the stone, more powerful than anything else on earth. But as he stood there, he heard the sound of a hammer pounding a chisel into the solid rock, and felt himself being changed.

"What could be more powerful than I, the stone?" he thought.

He looked down and saw far below him the figure of a stonecutter.

the legend of Narcissus...

(not my own work)

 a youth knelt daily beside a lake to contemplate his own beauty. He was so fascinated by himself that, one morning, he fell into the lake and drowned. At the spot where he fell, a flower was born, which was called the narcissus.

It is said that when Narcissus died, the goddesses of the forest appeared and found the lake, which had been fresh water, transformed into a lake of salty tears.

“Why do you weep?” the goddesses asked.

“I weep for Narcissus,” the lake replied.

“Ah, it is no surprise that you weep for Narcissus,” they said, “for though we always pursued him in the forest, you alone could contemplate his beauty close at hand.”

“But...was Narcissus beautiful?” the lake asked.

“Who better than you to know that?” the goddesses said in wonder. “After all, it was by your banks that he knelt each day to contemplate himself!”

The lake was silent for some time. Finally, it said: “I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected.”- From Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist"

guess who's back?????????

firstly apologies for my disappearance. what an appropriate title for this long overdue entry. the past few weeks have been a whirlwind. friends i haven't heard from in months (and whom i haven't contacted in months) have been callin out of the blue suggesting we meet for random outings to "catch-up". there's no better source of happiness than the renewal of old friendships and the start of new ones. i'm glad. there's always room for one more person in my life. but as much as i hv been loving it i feel rotten for not enlightening u frequently with my whereabouts and activities. what kind of lane am i building? with cracks and crevices and gaps so huge that i am now obliged to build bridges to close them. i'm adamant not to let it happen again.

a love that began in heaven...

this is one of my favorite stories. 

(not my own work)

 Moses Mendelssohn, the grandfather of the well known German composer, was far from being handsome. Along with a rather short stature, he had a grotesque hunchback. One day while on a trip to Hamburg as a young man, Mendelssohn met a rich merchant who had a beautiful young daughter, Frumtje. The young man fell hopelessly in love with her. Mendelssohn stayed several weeks in Hamburg, spending much of his time with this lovely girl he had fallen in love with at first sight. When it finally came time to leave, he worked up enough nerve to speak to her father. It was either that or lose her forever. The rich and powerful merchant hesitated for a long time. Mendelssohn finally asked him to speak his thoughts frankly. "Well," said the older man, "you are known throughout Germany as a most brilliant young man. And yet ... I must tell you my child was a bit frightened when she first saw you." "Because I am a hunchback?" Sadly, the merchant nodded. Downcast, but not defeated, Mendelssohn asked only one last favor—the privilege of seeing her once more before he left. Moses gathered his courage and climbed the stairs to her room to take one last opportunity to speak with her. She was a vision of heavenly beauty, but caused him deep sadness by her refusal to look at him. He spoke at first of various matters, then carefully and gradually, he led the conversation to the subject that was nearest to his heart. "Do you believe," he asked, "that marriages are made in Heaven?" "Yes," she said, "and do you?" "I do," he said gently. "Now let me tell you about something strange that happened when I was born. As you know, at a child's birth, according to our tradition, they call out in Heaven that the birth has occurred. And when it is a boy, they announce, 'Such-and-such boy will have this or that girl for a wife.' "Well, there I was, just born, and I heard the name of my future wife announced: Frumtje. But at the same time, I heard the great far-off voice say, 'Unfortunately, the poor little girl will have a terrible hump on her back.' "Quick as a flash, I cried out, 'O Lord God, if a girl is hunchbacked, she will grow up bitter and hard. Please give her hump to me and let her develop into a well-formed, lovely, and charming young lady. Please Lord, give me the hump and let her be beautiful .'" Mendelssohn waited for her reaction. Slowly, Frumtje looked up. She reached out and gave Mendelssohn her hand and later became his devoted wife.

to find solitude in words...

You have to make me a promise. Promise to remember my affection wen i'm not there to smile @ u.To remember my warmth wen i'm not there to touch u.To remember my taste wen i'm not there to kiss u.To remember my voice wen i'm not there to console u.Remember the pleasure of my company wen you are alone.The excitement of our visits wen ur bored.Remember my laugh wen u feel sad.my innocent stare wen i make u mad.Promise to always Remember.Cuz wen u do in a way we r always together.

hickery dickery dock...

The "new" clock has already stopped working. According to its hands it gave up @ around 01h02. The sound it makes wen its not workin is about 1000 times worse than the sound it made wen it was workin.dnt ask how thats possible.cant say i'm surprised.there's no quality or value in anythin these days. I literally had to climb the wall to take it down and make the noise stop. so i had a few hours of sleep in pin drop silence for the first time in weeks. however, i replaced the battery earlier today so the horses are back.

what doesn't kill u...

For the smiles u gave me.i thank u. For the fights we had.i'm stronger. For the times u held me.i'm fulfilled. For the times we never spoke.i miss u. For the loving words u told me.i'm blessed. For the times u lied.i'm wiser. For ur honesty.i appreciate u. For my honesty.i'm sorry. For when i cried.i've healed. For saying u sorry.i forgive u. For forgiving me.i'll neva forget. For being in my life.i'm complete. To be forever this way.i pray for.

some people still don't believe in global warming...

I had to choose between two groups of friends 2nyt.a night out or a night in.i chose the latter. it was just a little get 2gether nextdoor cuz a friend of ours is goin to america for 6 weeks.our night was filled wit laughter&heart to hearts.two of my friends believe the world is coming to an end.a piece of ice the size of england has broken off iceland.in a few years durban wil hv no beachfront.radiation is killing bees&soon we wil experience a shortage of honey&pollenation.then we talkd bout the unusual phenomena of gay ppl in recent the years.someone askd my sister&i if we knew any gay muslim boys.my sister said she's heard of them but doesnt know any.i exchangd looks wit my bestfriend&turned away.this is a topic i am sensitive to.and i offer no comment.we discussed how unnatural it is&wat the cause cud be.Drugs?Food additives?Subliminal messages?Somethin in the water?i was glad wen the topic soon changed.the real world is dark and scary and i realise i was happier wen i was naive.so u c as much as i go on about truthfulness,sometimes living in an honest world hurts so much.

Hear no evil...

my obsession with honesty has now made me intolerant of other ppls lies.even dishonesty bout menial things gets under my skin.this isn't healthy and i am well aware of the unnecessary problems it causes.but if someone can lie so easily about trivial things or about stuff that they can be honest about then why wud they hesitate to lie about bigger things?especially if it gets them wat they want.The Prophet has said:"I guarantee a place in the middle of paradise for one who abandons lying even when he is joking".nevertheless i should learn to take some things with a pinch of salt.the lack of conscientiousness in the world is too big a burden for my aching shoulders.

recapitulation...

the sound the clock makes is that of a harras of horses galloping in the distance.

i was headed towards my lecture...

i thot i laughed my hardest yesterday but2day proved2b even crazier.best of all it was unplanned&unexpected.met some frnds&we drove around like maniacs.first to fetch someones food.then to find a place2print an assignment an hr b4 deadline.then to hand in the assignment on time.then to rosebank4ice cream.then to UJ to pick up my brother.then to campus.and finally back home.we nearly died several times wen the brother of the gorgeous townhouse owner(remember him?) was drivin.@one point i actually saw a bright light @ the end of a tunnel but it turned out2b a gold bmw. we wr in a tunnel tho. somewhere in between all this chaos i learnt how to tie a tie and i received a ph call from some man in dubai (turned out2b my uncles acquaintance).we've planned similar activities4tomorrow.cuz u know Yesterday is Already a Dream &2moro is Only a Vision,but 2day wel Lived,makes Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness &Every 2moro a Vision of Hope...

shit happens...

I've got this new clock in my bedroom that makes eerie sounds.they say u should avoid havin noisy things around u wen u sleepin cuz it keeps ur mind active and u're awake subconsciously.so in the morning ur stil exhausted and cant understand y.but i understand y.its that clock!!!! also some bird had serious diarrhea in our front yard.the bird has done its business on mums car,the stoep and twice on my car.ew:( apparently its supposed to be a good sign.i hosed it off.i am not one to go around expecting luck from obscene acts of defecation.

on the seventh day we partied :)

today was up, down and all around for me.the morning shoppin trip proceeded to end only @ lunchtime.got home.showered.armed with my hairbrush and hairdryer,sped off to my sisters place. back @home my brother arrived and the rest of my siblings joined him in my room to hv a chat.this is a rare occurrence cuz we hardly c each other.and the time we spent yappin away was the best part of the day.wen dad arrived we all rushed off to get dressed4supper.August is crazy.the supper was to commemorate 7 special occasions for this month.i neva laughed so hard and so much in such a long time.the food was good and the company beta.our family's the loud and boisterous bunch everyone stares @ in restaurants.i swear i wouldn't want it any other way.

robbed of all my senses...

reading this magazine and the prediction of my current love life is as follows (my comments in brackets): apparently i am supposed to meet a guy who happens to be one of the most complicated men around (:O but whyyy??). he's smart (hopefully mature) and sensitive (secretly gay?) and charming (PLAYA), but can seem arrogant wen he feels insecure (or he doesn't get his way). he's generally too shy to make a move (but men are born to do this. C'MON!) so he may initially opt to be 'just friends' with me (frustrating). hmm wat else? oh yes. altho he likes to look 'in charge' (like a manly man is suppose to:D ), this man really wants a gutsy girl to call the shots (i wear the pants? nice!!). So, if he makes a move (one could only hope), i must make sure to boost his ego (i must WHAT? uh OOPS. already failed. o_O) umm my bad experiences hv made me prudent. sowi

guilt trip...

My mum asked me2accompany her4some walk in mayfair west/crosby this afternoon.she pulled one of those i'll-make-u-feel-guilty stunts all mothers know how2do so well and i ofcourse fell prey to it (this is how i end up cooking supper on weekends). five kids but i'm the weak one tsk tsk. i hv this rule. If someone asks me2go somewhere with them. like as soon as they start beggin or tryin2convince me2go then i get off my hiney and go.cuz every single time that happens and i dnt end up goin wherever it is they ask me to go i ALWAYS regret it. something always happens to make me regret not goin. and i kick myself thinkin bout how they wr beggin and i said no but if only i jus went. AAAAAAH! ...so thats y i jus go. u neva hv to ask more than twice lol. anyway the walk was @ jisa on jamestown. next week they walkin around the neighborhood. i wnt go. too many boys i know live VERY closeby (the adjacent streets infact :o ). i dnt wish to be spotted.

the sad happy ending...

u cannot tel the sun "more" or the rain "less". i was enthralled and lost in the Memoirs of a Geisha for several hours this evening.sadly but inevitably i had to pull myself together and face reality.i say sadly because u c in reality, wen pumpkin brings the chairman to the poolhouse instead of nobu,thats where the story wud end.everything that happened after wud be ur hopes, falling like leaves from a dying heart.quote unquote.there is no glorious ending,no woman who is a walking work of art.and thats y reality's sad.if my reality is a bit obscure and the actual truth is that we are each destined to hv a glorious story then i guess mine has yet to begin;) til then i'l take all the sun i can get and keep myself dry from the rain.

unscrambling my eggs...

@07h50 this mornin in the parking lot as i was removing myself from my vehicle i was attacked.luckily my assailant was a girlfriend i hadn't seen in ages and not anyone of immediate danger.we jumped up and down and hugged and screamed in excitement @ the sight of each other.and this is how i ended up havin breakfast in the most gorgeous townhouse with an amazing view. basically my friend's friend has a cousin who owns a townhouse. the cousin is away for a week but her brother is stayin there whilst she's away. So me, my friend and my friend's friend went to visit him. uh...anyway! thats also how i ended up being the one making the breakfast@11h00 in a strangers kitchen (the others r not so...uh... domesticated lol). but still everythin was breathtaking. this lil adventure was exactly wat i needed cuz altho i am physically exhausted (there wr alot of dishes2wash), i am mentally pumped! PLUS i made a new friend:)-the brother of the owner of a gorgeous townhouse. sigh and all this in one mornin!

and then! there was light...

a few weeks ago in the democratic republic of congo a couple decided to take four neighborhood kids along with them and their child for a day to the local lake area.wat promised to be an exciting trip turned into a tragic nightmare- when enroute they met in a horrific accident instantly killing the man and two of the children.the man's wife and child were unharmed.but unfortunately the same could not be said for the remaining two passengers-a 15 year old girl and a boy whose sister was one of the three who died on impact.both wr in critical condition.back home here in SA on hearin of the accident, dad made us hastily phone around for air ambulances to airlift the two children to a hospital near us.in congo they dnt hv facilities to treat patients in these conditions.wen the patients arrived the situation got worse.sunninghill hospital refused to take them in.the unfriendly ruthless staff demanded upfront payment before any procedures took place.almost a hundred thousand rand snatched from us for jus one night.-sunninghill with its big name and staff with no shame wasn't an option anymore.frantically searching for another hospital dad eventually found LENMED.the staff were warm and helpful and everythin sunninghill staff weren't.as the story spread here and in congo ppl donated thousands.even the doctors at lenmed reduced their fees.the boy underwent two operations and is recovering.he's back in congo with his family.the girl had no physical injuries but was in a coma in icu.last week she opened her eyes.the doctors who wr ready to give up the week before are now whisperin about the miracle they are witnessing.she's not speakin as yet and slips into momentary lapses now and again but other than that her recovery is fast and phenomenal.my dad and sometimes my mum have been goin in to see them almost every day.last night i went for the first time. it really is an eye opener.i've been feeling down over some loser who has the personality of a garden spade.and infront of me lay a gal with dozens of tubes attached to her.and her mother is by her side teaching her to move her fingers and blink her eyes,willing her to speak just one word.i dnt know how my dad witnesses this everyday for more than three weeks.ten minutes there and i found it hard to breath properly.i learnt my lesson.one person can change ur life.make sure ur changing for the right one.

Speak no evil...

I don’t lie. It started a few years back at that time of the year when resolutions are made. I pledged to myself (and my diary) that I would stop lying immediately. Now don’t get me wrong. I wasn't a compulsive liar or anything. Like everyone else, I told the little white lie now and again, and, when and if the situation required it I told a bigger lie. But now I wanted to stop even that. No small lies. No big lies. None. Nothing. Nada. 

You see the way I looked at it is that no matter when, where or why, someday; somehow the truth ALWAYS comes out. That's God. Karma. Nature. The preordained justice of the Universe. And who can question that? So whether it comes out in a day, a week, a year or even 10 years when it no longer matters, the truth always seeps its way out. So why lie?

Anyway, now, few years down the line, I find it unbearable to tell fibs about even the most inconsequential things.

Ofcourse ppl won’t believe u when u say that u don’t lie. Cuz everybody does sometimes. I don’t. It’s so much easier not to lie. Cuz speaking the truth means u never have to remember what it is u said to whom. With the truth u never have to substantiate anything u say. And u know if u keep telling ppl the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, soon they actually begin to realize how sincere u r and nobody will question things u say. (It’s great when u need back up in a dispute).

It hurts when ppl don’t believe u when u say something, and they question ur genuineness, especially when u've never given them reason to doubt u. but like I said, the truth seeps out. I mean look at what (God, Karma, Nature) u have to back u up! And when they realise u wr honest all along and they wr wrong, u get an apology, a hug and maybe even a super guilt-gift!!!! Hehe.

This is how I wana be remembered. Not pretty, ugly, short, clever, silly or funny. I wana be remembered for my honesty. So praise me for that. Cuz that's the best compliment I could ever receive. Honestly:D

foolishness ceases to fail...

the black cloud seems to hv descended and has now created a storm in my heart.i hv obviously realised there is only one person that can umbrella my anguish.the very same person who caused it.this afternoon i found the house just fine.it was lunch that left me disappointed.normally the loud and happy one,i was dull and withdrawn.answering my friends questions with as little vigour and words possible and not contributing to the get together in any memorable way.infact the entire thing was forgetful.it was prob the result of an error in my choice of company but it was me as well.as we said our goodbyes someone even commented on how very quiet i was.it even left me wonderin what happened to my zealous demeanour and whether i actually had one to begin with...i hv also realised that the only therapy i need is from within and not from shoppin or the gals.i've realised it- but have no idea wat to do now.

who is this fool that passes? tis i...

stil feeling quite sheepish from wednesday night.mind stil wanderin and heart all fluttery with regret.yesterday the therapeutic shopping wasn't successful.infact it seemed to darken my black cloud of despair.today however, glistens with hope of a different kinda therapy altogether.lunch with the girls.its happening somewhere in crosby/mayfair west.living down the road doesn't stop me from gettin hopelessly lost in the neighbourhood.skilled navigation and experience is essential to get to any street thats NOT linked to mercury.i'm not in the appropriate frame of mind to be intuitive so pls God let me find it easily.haha.u are supposed to pray to God for direction right? laters lecture over and i hv to leave.

**missing post**

What I need is a SMACK!

For some god forsaken reason my mouth seems to seal itself shut wen it should actually be aiding me as the source of constant yapping. but nnnnnnooooooooo. wen the situation arises I find myself at a loss of words.dumbstruck.shy.smiling like a dork. it happens OFTEN. in fact, way too often for my liking. and its usually in the vicinity of unfamiliar ppl, guests, or any other outsider. male or female. i dono y. some friends and family members find it hard to shut me up for a complete minute and yet with strangers...sigh! I call it my 'speechless syndrome'. i leave ppl with the impression that I am aloof, distant, detached, stand-offish, cold and unfriendly. But I'm not:(. I'm really not. I'm not an introvert either. far from it actually. my family harasses me about my 'speechless syndrome' cuz they know the vociferous person I really am. the cause for the syndrome could be my ever present self-consciousness, rendering me mute and helpless in vital social interactions. i have a plan to overcome it. but it hasn't been put into action as yet. pray4me. o_O