That’s it. I’ve just about had it. I’m
tired of faffing around, pretending everything’s hunky-dory.
It’s time to stop beating around the bush and come clean. I haven’t been myself
lately. Some of you have been perceptive enough to already notice. I’m tired of
putting it all out there in a round about way when I don’t think my point has
come across at all. There shall be no subterfuges or masquerading in this post.
My health is declining and my heart is
quickly following suit. Consequently my “will to fight and live” has
jumped on the deadly bandwagon too. I’m appalled at my behaviour! Who have I
become? I am strong-minded and able bodied and this type of conduct is beneath
me. Why have I let go of my fierce
and independent self and dissipated into a weak and needy person?
There have been a lot of WHYS racing
through my mind lately. All conflicting and emotional.
I don’t know how to be a part of something,
know the ins and outs, be needed, be included, get attached and then abruptly
be shut out. Can anything make one feel more worthless?
That is fine. I accept everything that
comes my way. I will fight the world to be in a person’s life but I will not
fight the person I'm fighting for.
And if we truly want someone to be happy
and if we consider how much of our time we spend praying for them, then why
don’t we step back and let them be when that’s what they ask for? If it’s our bruised egos holding on, then we should be
ashamed. Because if you say you care about someone then it doesn’t matter how you feel- as
long as they are okay.
That’s a true and selfless sacrifice.
And I’m all about sacrifices.
Keep reading.
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