i'm done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello. This is one long overdue entry. What I’ve been through the last couple of months can only be describe as living hell. Unfortunately, it’s a hell I put myself through. If u ask me anything about the last two months I probably wouldn’t know how to answer u. I was in another world. I completely secluded and separated myself from everything and everyone. And for what? Jus to be hurt over and over again. I let the break-up affect me in such a way that its as if he had control over my every move. I let this boy make me believe that I am a horrible person. I literally went through my days thinking I am mean and nasty. I loathed myself. There were people- lovely, awesome, wonderful people- who kept telling me that I will get through this and I’m a good person and anyone would be lucky to have me in their lives. But I didn’t listen. Cuz only his opinion mattered. I cant believe I deleted all my posts and closed my blog just to make him happy. That’s all changed now. I’m not afraid to be myself anymore. He made me scared to be me. I’m a happy person and I’m full of love and I’m killing myself inside by believing that I’m evil and a terrible girlfriend. u’d think that someone who has been hurt by love would neva hurt another person the same way. But he does. He doesn’t even care how he speaks to me or what he says. I feel so stupid and weak. Everytime I think of him or read his msgs, I cry. But I need to get a grip on myself. I’m starting to realise and accept things about him. He’s a hypocrite. Its only natural that when one twists everythin to suit themselves then eventually they will contradict themselves. And he contradicted himself almost all the time. He said things that wud suit him and suit what he wanted at the time or to make himself look good. Oh and he’s very quick to change his stories. I keep it real. Tell it how it is. Wont ever lie. He has nothing nice to say about anyone. He says rotten things about everyone, his parents, his friend, his cousins, his siblings, even my family!!!! Yet he wants everyone to think he’s perfect. That’s y he’s angry about this blog. The truth hurts doesn’t it? He warned me not to put anything about him on my blog. Wtf? Dude, u have no right to tell me what I can and cannot do. This is my blog. I will write whatever I please. If u dnt like it DO NOT READ IT. I actually listened to him and stopped writing and kept everythin in and just became more sad. Writing is what I do, its who I am. Cant say that enough times. So now screw it, jus like him, I’m gona put my happiness first for once. He has shown no respect and does not deserve the kindness I’ve shown him. Guess u can tell I’m really angry right now. He says I’m upset and I wrote crap in my blog about him. Ok well. The truth always surfaces no matter what right? So if I’m lying about anything I wrote then the truth will come slap me in the face. I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were u. I cant believe I was so scared to write anything cuz I didn’t want to anger him. But it doesn’t matter what I say. His reaction is always the same. I’m tired of always forgiving him for the hurtful way he treats me only for it to happen again. I really tried to be nice and civil and friendly but he’s just rude and immature. I’m jus gona do what I think will be good for me and I dnt want to think of how he’s gona feel or react because he couldn’t give two shits bout my feelings. And guess what? I feel a whole lot betta after wtiting this :) anyway I don’t want to talk about him anymore. I predict in an hour or so I’ll totally regret what I wrote. I think too much about the repercussions. at the end of the day this blog is about me. And if I found tranquillity in my words and if it made me smile for even just one second then I don’t see why anyone should have a problem with it. I wont delete them now cuz I want to read all this again some day and just laugh at how silly I was. To each his own, right?