Warning! NOT for sensitive readers.

Want know the evil idiosyncrasies of the human body? 

I'll give you four. (Although there are many more.)

Nosebleeds

I don't know why and I never know when. But rest assured it'll happen at the most inopportune moment. Just as you're about to leave for a wedding, or shopping on Main Street in some foreign country, or about to settle down for prayer. Nosebleeds are especially inconvenient when you're up at 5a.m coughing out blood and therefore much too overwhelmed to locate the tissue roll. Being susceptible to these on one too many occasions, I can honestly say, NOT FUN.

Sneezing

Also catches you when least expected. Driving, Eating, Straightening your hair, or whenever you're in a rush, etc. It's okay if it's "Achoo" and over but for me it's a cacophony of sternutations. 6, 7, 8 times in a row. Having hay-fever in a world full of dust is no joke. It also doesn't help that everything stops during a sneeze. No multitasking whilst convulsing, no Sirrie! And the best advice I can give you is never to block one. Sneeze it out y'all or you'll blow a blood vessel in your eye. Yep--I'm talking from experience.

Stretchmarks

God's most devious method of punishing people in this world. That's my opinion anyway.
If God had said: "Thou shalt not sin, or I shalt bestow stretchmarks upon thee" everybody would behave.

This atrocity has no cure, no cover up. They're amending wedding vows and  including it in the liturgy.
"In sickness and in health, stretchmarks and all, till death us do part."

No amount of Tyra-Banks-approved products work on these and neither does Bio Oil. Guess you just have to embrace your body or marry someone blind. Until they find a solution ofcourse.

Eye bags

It's like someone up there said: "Okay dear, your heart's broken, your world's shattered and you've been crying through sleepless nights. Let me make those eyes puffy and throw in some dark circles too. Better yet, let me make them permanent." 

Stick to your facial exercises and use those eye creams- they're not just for old people. 

***

So there they are. Four more things to add to an already teeming pot of stress.

"Why should a man's mind have been thrown into such close, sad, sensational, inexplicable relations with such a precarious object as his body?"  ~Thomas Hardy

My final say on the matter is: Take care of your body, it's the only one you're going to get. 

"Your body is a temple, but only if you treat it as one."  ~Astrid Alauda

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