*25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER*

(not my own work)

 1.* My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE *.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. *My mother taught me RELIGION*.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3.* My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL *..

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4.* My mother taught me LOGIC*.

" Because I said so, that's why."

5.* My mother taught me MORE LOGIC*.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6.* My mother taught me FORESIGHT*.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7.* My mother taught me IRONY *

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8.* My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS*.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9.* My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM*.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10.* My mother taught me about STAMINA*.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.."

11.* My mother taught me about WEATHER*.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12.* My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY*.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13.* My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE*.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14.* My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION*.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15.* My mother taught me about ENVY *.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16.* My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION*.

"Just wait until we get home."

17.* My mother taught me about RECEIVING *.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18.* My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE*.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19.* My mother taught me ESP*.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20.* My mother taught me HUMOR*.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21.* My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT *.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22.* My mother taught me GENETICS.*

"You're just like your father."

23.* My mother taught me about my ROOTS*.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24.* My mother taught me WISDOM*.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite:* My mother taught me about JUSTICE *

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you”