I can basically sum up the last 6 months in one paragraph:
"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant
as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you
had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms
you join, or how many cups of coffee you drink with your girlfriends... you
still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did
wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief
moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even
convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after
all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll
meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul
will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those months of your life
that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."
It’s actually a dialogue out of a movie but its almost
perfect for me, word for word. After countless visits to my Dumbledore, a
hearty conversation with an ex of my ex, and an amazing trip to CT, I can
honestly say that I’m truly and completely over him. I cant believe I wasted so
much time on an insecure, cocaine-sniffing, manipulating, hypocritical,
lying, womanizing, narcissistic, pervert!!!! I’m working now. And living
life by new rules. And I’m really, really happy. There are genuinely amazing,
amazing ppl in my life!!! And I feel really sorry for him and the ppl he
continues to deceive. But it’s not my problem anymore and one day they too
shall learn the truth. For their sake I hope its not the hard way. I deleted
about 99% of the posts I previously wrote about him. So my blog looks quite
empty now. But I feel all cleansed inside:).
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